A dad who bolted his stepson’s door has been widely praised online, but his wife has vehemently opposed him for allowing the teenager to keep his family out.
Sharing their family situation on the popular Reddit forum Am I The A**hole under the username u/throwaway016399, the father explained that he and his wife have two children, Jaiden, 9, and 4 Aged Amelia.
His wife has another son, Kian, 17, from a previous relationship, and said: “Both of our kids are obsessed with their big brother, especially Jaiden.”
There’s no “rigorous” schedule, but the teens are around most weekends, and while Jaiden is captivated by his big brother, the feeling isn’t mutual.
The father wrote: “Kian was never too fond of Jaiden and Jaiden’s obsession with him only made it worse. It was hard for me because while I hate seeing my son feel rejected, I understand why Kian doesn’t appreciate his behavior.
“Jaiden was always there for him, day or night, and would rush into Kian’s room at any time. Of course, we tried to teach Jaiden that if he wanted Kian’s attention, he had to knock on the door, just like he did if it were us room, but he would get too excited and forget.
“Kian is reluctant to bring friends/girlfriends over because Jaiden never leaves them alone and if he changes his clothes he has to block the door with his shoes.”
He claimed he and his wife told Jaiden how “inappropriate” the invasion was and he was punished for having to apologise, TV time, McDonald’s and park trips cancelled.
His wife, who thinks the tension between the boys is Kean’s fault, continued: “He’s a smart big brother to Amelia but pushes Jayden away a lot and has never been interested in him, so my wife thinks Jayden would stop this if he made more effort.
“On the other hand, I doubt that Kian would be willing to spend time with Jaiden when he defied all his boundaries.”
The question came up again, when Kian asked his stepfather to lock his door, saying, “I remember how important privacy was to me as a teenager, so I agreed.”
The lock was a bolt, there was no key, and he installed it without telling his wife.”That was over a week ago, but my wife didn’t realise until last night when she saw Jaiden throwing something at Kian’s door, asking to come in.
“She was angry because I encouraged her son to ‘lock us out of his life’ and said it was a safety hazard. I think this is the best solution until we can convince Jaiden to behave more appropriately ,” the father added.
He claimed they had “tried everything” and that locks were not a “shortcut to parenting” Jaiden, but bolts were the only way to convince Kian to visit regularly.
This post, which can be read here, has garnered over 8,500 interactions, with the most comments coming from Daskesmoelf_8, which has just over 12,000 likes.
It said: “NTA, he’s 17, he’s allowed to set that boundary and Jaiden has to learn to respect that boundary, it’s not on Kian’s shoulders.”
Others echoed the sentiment while praising the father’s decision, with Harry Pate writing: “The mother has a choice here. She allows the locks and keeps her younger son in control; or her older son spends less time With them. She’s very short-sighted.”
Cabinet Nono commented: “It doesn’t sound like Jaden was actually disciplined. He was just told not to do it and why. It obviously didn’t work, so parents need to discipline him now.”
“Even a 9-year-old has the ability to learn that they don’t have a right to other people’s time,” Clshein said. “It sounds like he’s also involving parents and a little sister who doesn’t crave attention.”
“Regardless of his brother’s behavior, 17-year-old Kian should absolutely lock his door,” BaitedBreaths noted.
Zealousideal_Radio80 wrote: “Skip to top comment to say I’m glad to see an OP so respectful of their STEP kids. OP respects his stepson boundaries more than his own mom. Solid stepparent OP. NTA.”
Reality_Bites416 estimates: “There’s no age where people break into your room while you’re changing.”
In response to the comments, the dad tried to give some context to the boys’ relationship, saying Jayden was “loud and hyperactive” while Keane loved being “alone” and doing indoors like Amelia.
“That might be part of it, though. Jayden was very young when he was born and never seemed excited about having a baby brother. He wanted all of his mother’s attention to be on him at the time, so it might have something to do with this about,” he mused.
As the Family Life website points out, a new baby in a mixed family can present challenges: “For any parent, the love of the new baby may temporarily overshadow the affection for the older child.” They advise parents to spend Spend time with your stepchildren to make sure their relationship doesn’t suffer.
But they point out that they may be naturally bored with the additions, saying: “Some children feel left out, whether it’s living with the child or visiting him or her, and the child may worry that they’re no longer enough. Good or unpopular. .
“Regardless of their age, existing children may rightly feel that the adult’s attention and attention has shifted away from them and focused on the baby, and is disturbed by it.”
If you have a similar family plight, please let us know at mailto:life@newsweek.com.We can turn to experts for advice, and your story might appear in Newsweek.
Post time: Jun-29-2022